''Rebuke the holy spirit, and you can never go back.''
It's a phrase you hear often in bible studies, in diff variations. This phrase also made it a gradual change in my life -- Fear. Then i thought, Fear is all over religion, be it christian, jewish, reincarnation, islam, shamanism, etc.
What started it all was a big mess in 2001. I made a mistake, got arrested and it is still having its consequences. . . . Why was I being picked on? Am i not doing god's work? Am i not in his favor? What am i doing wrong? (and similar questions)
Randomness.
People all the time die, get set up, lose young mothers, have babies die, become homeless, get shot, etc. All random. Maybe god isn't judging us now based on righteousness or sinfulness. Ghetto gangbangers run free usually, the ones that aren't killed or arrested. CEO's attached to god's chosen office man continue to get rich, etc. People of the negative nature thrive.
The evolution thing was bothering me. It is VERY hard to imagine a large amt of scientists getting together and saying, "We're going to fabricate a huge lie to throw off religion's claim of man & earth being created.'' Science accountability & experiments & research are serious business.
Another thing: Would have I been a christian if I were born elsewhere than America? Sure, i was fervent, knowledgeable, passionate & it all felt so real & true. But so does Islam to those who grow up around that worldview, and Hinduism to the Hindi, and Judaism to the Hebrews. I only ''know it to be true,'' because it's what I grew up in and studied. All other knowledge was false because I had the christian P.O.V. that shows how it is....
And christians, you'd assume that they can get along, but they can't. Wars all through the ages (Protestants-Catholics, Christian-Muslims, etc.) , all the way up to heated discussions on religion bulletin boards. We can't play well together, nor with others. Even if we meet a christian from another church, we acknowledge that that person's saved, but they can't further their spiritual growth unless they come to our church and/or adopt our belief system on healing, worship, or demons.
I've been chewing on all of the above, trying to make sense of it, trying to figure out why there's more volumes on Theology than most other subjects, that ever existed . . . yet we still can't agree on the most basic of interpretation. People pour over the texts hours after hours, trying to find new revelation that hasn't yet been revealed in 2000-5000 years that maybe god would suddenly give to them. If god's desire is not to hell-send anyone, why does he hide in silence and foreign/obscure languages?
I was on a classic lit kick about a year ago. Reading anything was at least a century old. I happened across Thomas Paine. ''Rights of Man,'' ''Common Sense,'' -- that collection of his. There's a book in that coll. called "Age of Reason.'' Did i have no clue what i was opening. Paine took apart the bible, book by book, ritual by ritual, and showed me how historically the bible is a flawed, man-written/man-changed collection that was put together by man, and many parts purposely and selfishly left out by man/.[I just finished ''Misquoting Jesus'' this week, which is a similar read.]
I was intrigued. There ARE different creation stories, different geneologies, etc. I began to read the books I didn't know existed, because either christians don't want their people to know about them, or just don't care because their religion is True: Richard Dawkins, Bertrand Russell, Christopher Hitchens, Anton LaVey, Sam Harris, etc.
This, on top of old grammar school friends I've reconnected with, who were ''different'' back then turned out to be gay. Choice? I think not. I think they were gay all along. I was dealing with anger toward god and religions' effects. A lot of passion these people have, but misdirected and poorly focused. Churches make tons of money, but none of the needy see it. The Catholic Church has the most real estate than any company, but there are homeless. Barna (I think) said that if all self-professed christians gave just 5% of their income, the poverty in the world would be wiped out. Why don't injustices be wiped out? We have the power, meaning christians, but they don't want to.
I came out to my uncle, a christian drunk who likes F-bombs, thinking he'd be most understanding, but he wanted to resave me at Thanksgiving. Saw them at christmas and it wasn't brought up, but the wall was there - I could feel it.
My wife's parents, I'm not sure if they realize where I stand. ''Trust god'' and ''Pray about it'' are simple answers to tough questions I ask. Seems like cop-out answers to me, which most unevolved christians have. My wife is very supportive, and comes from a holistic, nature-healing/health/all-is-spirit P.O.V., and is not a believer anymore. We both strayed from faith after our marriage, and I'm glad for it. Not sure if it'd still be working out as well, if she didn't walk a similar path.
Those are brief reasons, the path: the bible's formation, evolution, property, control, gay/lesbian rights, my mother's young death, christian division, generosity/selfishness, etc. Several reasons pulled from the faith, and I've actually found an ethical, generous, moral, & activist life away from fear of hell & disapproval.
I've rebuked the holy spirit for a more full life. And I'm satisfied with that.
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